Making A Place To Live A Home
by gawilliams
Summary: Booth doesn't just want a place to share with Bones, but a home.  Here's how that is achieved.  T for now, possibly M in later chapters.
1. Chapter 1

_This is a very short opening teaser to a new story I want to work on off and on as the season progresses just for fun. I should have a couple of more chapters added to this one by the time the new season begins. I am also working on new chapters for Pregnant?, so that story will be progressing as well. I hope you enjoy this opening scene._

_Disclaimer: I don't own, or profit from, these characters or franchise. No copyright infringement is intended._

"_Bones!" _came the bellowing shout of one Seeley Booth as he came out of the bedroom into the large open space living are of Bones' apartment. Well, okay, it was_**their**_apartment, but after what just happened he was seriously doubting the _**our**_ implied in the word their.

Bones looked up from her cup of tea and barely kept from gasping in surprise. Booth looked positively pale. "Booth!" she said as she jumped up and began moving towards him.

He held up his hand. "Bones, we are going to have to find a new place to live with his and her bathrooms!" he said firmly. "This one master bathroom crap is not going to work."

Bones got close and then wrinkled her nose. "Did you just vomit?" she asked.

"For the last five minutes I've been hurling everything I've ate in the last week!" he said a bit peevishly.

"Are you ill?" she questioned, though she would be surprised if he was since he was very well this morning when she woke him up for a little morning intercourse. She reminded herself not to say intercourse out loud of course.

"No," he said with infinite patience. "Now Bones, I've been fair. I am crammed into about one-fifth of the closet and drawer space, and I haven't argued at all, despite the fact that my suits are all mussed and need ironing when I pull one out. But we need a bigger place after what just happened."

"What happened?" she asked curiously. He rarely got this worked up unless they were bantering and she deliberately goaded him.

"All I have in the bathroom outside of a bar of soap and bottle of shampoo in the shower, is a tube of toothpaste, a toothbrush, one bottle of hair gel, a can of shaving cream, a razor, and a comb," he told her. "It fits all nice and neat in one tiny corner of the medicine cabinet surrounded by all your girly floo floo. I can live with that. What I can't live with is when _**this**_ is in the spot where my toothpaste normally is and I get a mouthful of _**it**_ instead of minty freshness!"

Bones' eyes widened in shock, and she had to hold back her amusement, when she saw him thrust a tube of Vagisil out to her. She nodded her head.

"I'll begin looking for houses we can look at this weekend," she told him.

"Good," he said, and with as much dignity as he could muster went back to the bedroom to begin getting that days suit out to get ready for work.

When he had left the room and the bedroom door had been shut Bones began laughing. This was going to be a good story to tell Angela. Her best friend would get a real kick out of it. She went back to reading the newspaper and sipping her tea.

_A/N: So there's the teaser. I hope you all enjoyed it. The specific problem Booth had that morning actually happened to a friend of mine when he first moved in with his fiance, so this has a tad bit of reality in it. Gregg._


	2. Chapter 2

_Thank you for the responses on the opening chapter to this one. I hope the continuing story maintains the interest level. Enjoy. Gregg._

_Disclaimer: I don't own, or profit from, these characters or franchise. No copyright infringement is intended._

Booth was working away on the pile of paperwork on his desk. Ever since he got a promotion, which he was still regretting taking, even though it was replacing that complete waste of skin Hacker who got nailed for sexual harassment, he was swamped with paperwork. The worst part was that he and Bones were no longer partners, but it was more than compensated with the fact that they were a genuine couple now. Now that was a fair trade. Bones, to his utter amazement, was a closet cuddler. He knew from her own lips that he was the first guy she'd ever been like that with, but she was a cuddler with him!

"Director Booth?" came a knock on the door to his office.

"What is it, Thompson?" Booth asked.

"This was just couriered from the Jeffersonian for you," the young agent said as he handed over a manilla envelope.

"Thanks, Thompson," Booth nodded and dismissed the man. He opened the envelope expecting to find the new budget figures from the Medico-Legal Lab, but instead he took out ten sheets of paper which had real estate information on them, one house to a page. A post it note was on the top one.

_Booth~ Here are some excellent homes to consider. Let me know which ones you would like to look at on Saturday and I will set the appointments with the realtors. Bones._

_PS~ Angela thinks your toothpaste _faux pas_ is hysterical._

He groaned at the thought of Angela knowing about him trying to brush his teeth with Vagisil. That meant everyone knew by now and Hodgins would give him shit about it until the end of time. He didn't even want to think about what kind of shrinky BS Sweets would come up with when he heard about it. If he had to sit through some psycho-babble BS about channeling his inner female he would be having a long talk with Bones about the meaning of two simple words: _**privacy**_ and _**discretion**_. He sent a quick e-mail to Bones.

_Bones~ Got the info and will look it over this afternoon. Did you have to tell Angela? I'm never going to hear the end of it. Booth._

_PS~ It was not my _faux pas_. You put your feminine product where my toothpaste is supposed to be. Your fault, not mine._

Bones got the e-mail and chuckled. She had deliberately told Angela in order to get Booth a bit riled up. They always had the best sex when they were coming off of some frustrating argument. Well, maybe not argument in this case, but a good bicker. Her e-mail alert pinged and she opened it to find one from Sweets.

_Dr. Brennan~ Dr. Hodgins just told me about what happened to Booth this morning. May I please have your permission to discuss this with Booth from a purely psychological standpoint? This is my one chance to try and be one up on Booth. Please? Dr. Sweets._

Bones got an evil grin on her face. She replied to the e-mail quickly and simply.

_Sweets. Permission granted. Dr. Brennan._

Sweets was in his office when he got the response from Dr. Brennan almost immediately after he sent off his pleading request. He already had all his stuff on Freudian theory out in preparation of such a session and when he saw her agreement he did a fist pump and a loud shout.

"_**YES!**_"

Hodgins, on the other hand, was not too happy right then. He had just gotten an e-mail from Booth and he was sitting there with his legs crossed, a little pale.

_Hodgins! Give me any shit about it and I swear that you will be the first modern man made a Eunuch with the doings ripped off in a bloody mess and fed to you! Got it? Don't even try to deny you know what I'm talking about. You're married to the Queen of Gossip Central. So shut it, zip it, and all will be well! Booth._

"Angie!" Hodgins shouted and then hightailed it to her office. He was going to be having a talk with her about her gossiping and the trouble he was now in, and he hadn't even been able to have fun with the juicy gossip yet! This was so unfair!

While everyone was scrambling in the face of the knowledge of his toothpaste disaster, Booth got done with his paperwork and settled down for a break to examine what Bones thought of as good prospects for a new home. He took a look at the first one, and the price tag, and almost had a heart attack.

"_She's kidding!_" he groaned. He could feel a very strong headache coming on. He looked at the sheet again, praying that it was a hallucination, but no such luck.

The picture of the place looked great. Single story, rambling home. Four bedroom, full office, dining room, living room, rec room, three and a half bathrooms, and a two car garage. Large front and back yard with a half basketball court and a swimming pool. Then the price tag. $2,313,000. He read the neighborhood again and realized it was in one of those high end neighborhoods. He groaned. Then something occurred to him. He flipped through each one and discovered that she had placed them in order from lowest priced home to the highest. The last one on the list was listed at $9,000,000. It was a damn mansion! He wrote her a quick e-mail.

_Bones~ We really need to discuss the price range for a home. I think our definitions of suitable are way off from each other. Booth._

He wanted to be fair and was able to acknowledge that Bones had the ability to provide them, and any future children, if they decided to have any, with a wonderful life with great opportunities. The only problem was that he wanted to feel as if he was also contributing something tangible to the mix. Likely she would simply have a cashier's check drawn for the amount of the home and any renovations needed and that would be that, but for him he wanted to be a part of that, too, and that meant a mortgage of some sort. He sighed as he considered the coming conversation and was not thrilled. Maybe he should have just chalked up the whole Vagisil crap as part of the pitfalls of living with someone. With that he got back to work. Before he'd gotten too far into the next pile of files his e-mail pinged.

_ADD Booth~ I have you marked down for a one on one session tomorrow morning at 8 in my office. We should really discuss the implications of your mistake of this morning. It could have serious ramifications on your personal and professional stability. Sweets._

Booth's jaw about hit the floor. Now that he was one of the big boys his sessions with Sweets were mandatory the first year that he was in such a level of authority to make sure that the transition was the best one for all concerned. He couldn't get out of this one if he tried. He wrote an e-mail to Bones right away, forwarding the offending message from Sweets.

_Bones~ See what gossiping with Angela has caused? I swear that if I have to listen to that walking pimple spout all sorts of nonsense about latent Oedipal tendencies I will shoot him! I'm beginning to think Hodgins is right and the whole world is one big conspiracy! Against me! You owe me for this one Baby. Booth._

Booth spent the balance of his day at work just shaking his head at the injustice of it all. All he wanted was to make a home with Bones, and have a little space so he didn't have a mouthful of Vagisil in the morning. Was that too much to ask?

_A/N: Well, there's the second chapter to this one. I am making this one more on the side of humor with some seriousness thrown in, such as talking about money issues and the like. I hope you're enjoying this one. Gregg._


	3. Chapter 3

_Thank you all for the great responses to this story. I am adding this one more chapter before putting it on hold for a few days while I work up some new chapters for _Pregnant?._ Rest assured this story will be updated off and on during the course of this season, and should have a full range of fun. I hope you enjoy this one. Gregg._

_Disclaimer: I don't own, or profit from, the characters or franchise. No copyright infringement is intended._

Booth was in the bathroom when Bones got home that evening. He was hard at work and didn't hear her come in. He about jumped out of his skin when she goosed him playfully.

"Hey!" he blurted out, his heart racing. He would have to work on his sniper senses if she was able to sneak up on him like that. He was obviously getting rusty. Damn desk job!

"Hi," Bones said and leaned up to kiss him, allowing the kiss to deepen. Then she noticed what he had been doing to the medicine cabinet in the bathroom. "A divider?" she questioned.

Booth looked down at her. "I will not suffer anymore of what happened this morning," he told her. "I put in a divider so that my microscopic space is just that. My space! No feminine products there."

"It was an honest mistake, Booth," she told him, but still admiring his small bit of ingenuity on the issue.

"Bones, my mouth full of a feminine hygiene product is much more than a mistake. It's a catastrophe," he embellished. "Add to that puking my guts out and it's a monumental disaster! I couldn't even look at my lunch today without getting a bit queasy."

"I'll take your word for it," she said with a chuckle. Moving into the bedroom she stripped off her clothes and rummaged around for some sweat pants and a loose t-shirt to lounge around in that evening. "You really scared Hodgins with your e-mail."

Booth came out of the bedroom and stood stock still. No matter how many times he saw her in nothing but her undergarments he was always transfixed. When she removed her bra he was almost drooling. She had the most perfect back in his opinion, and the most perfect boobs when she was facing him. Hands down. He sighed as she put on the sweat pants and the t-shirt. Oh well. There was always when they hit the sack that night for a little nookie.

"I was warning him off of driving me nuts," Booth defended himself.

"Threatening to cut off his testicles and feeding them to him is a bit extreme, isn't it?" Bones questioned. She herself had been amused by it all, but just wanted to see if she could get him worked up about it.

"If anything it was too mild," Booth replied. "Being given shit by Hodgins is not on my list of fun activities, Bones."

"But you did try and brush your teeth with my Vagisil," she pointed out.

Booth felt his stomach lurch. "Bones, please don't remind me," he told her plaintively. "And _**you**_ were the one who put that stuff there in my dinky, tiny, miniscule amount of space in the medicine cabinet. So it's really all your fault."

"And I'm sure Sweets will help you deal with your issues about it tomorrow," she told him, a wicked smile on her face as she knew what Sweets was going to unleash on Booth.

"And that's another thing," Booth complained. "I do _**not**_ have issues, and even if I did, _**Sweets**_ is the absolute _**last**_ person who should have been let in on what happened to me! I just know I'm going to have to listen to a lot of hooey about how I miss my Mother and was channeling her or my inner female when I squirted that **_stuff_** on my Green Lantern toothbrush instead of my favorite toothpaste. The Green Lantern is still probably coated with that crap!"

"While I admit that Freudian psychology is outdated and highly chauvinistic, it should appeal to you considering your well defined Alpha Male tendencies," she teased him.

"Freud was a pervert!" Booth stated firmly. "And listening to _Sweets_ talk about _**anything**_ related to my inner female or any Oedipal complexes is just plain _**sick!**_"

"So you're admitting you have an inner female?" Bones asked, deliberately taking his comment literally when he said _**my inner female**_. She was enjoying this bantering session. "And while he's at it maybe he could discuss your need for a toothbrush based on the caricature of a comic book character."

"It's a graphic novel, and you are **_not_** to tell Sweets about my preference in toothbrushes," Booth put his foot down. "Some things are private, after all."

"Like the fact that you wear a cup every time my Father comes to have dinner with us or to visit?" Bones teased further.

"You know, Bones, maybe Freud did have it right on one item," Booth mused, trying to get in a good shot considering that Bones was doing her damnedest to drive him nuts.

"Really?" Bones looked intrigued.

"Yeah," Booth said casually as he walked out of the bedroom. "The whole concept of _**Penis Envy**_ makes a world of sense."

"I do **_not_** have _**Penis Envy**_!" Bones protested vehemently as she followed him out into the living room.

"Then why are you so obsessed with information on the penis?" Booth taunted. "Such as the effect of not eating organic foods on the male genitalia. Ring any bells, Bones?"

"That's different!" Bones protested, getting into the banter even more, pleased he was giving back as good as she was offering up. "First, I was giving you a very valid reason to consider a switch in diet, and second, I am a woman, and the male penis is a very interesting subject to most women, just as men seem fascinated by the vagina."

Booth groaned. "You know I don't like the clinical terms, Bones," he told her for probably the thousandth time. "And as for that organic food and shrinking dicks nonsense, I searched for the info you spouted out and have yet to find it," he stated with a raised brow in question.

"I will retrieve the information in the morning and e-mail it to you," she told him, a little impressed that he had spent the time looking for the study, and his use of the word _**yet**_ implied he was still searching for it on occasion. It was in a little known medical journal and most internet searches did not bring up the link. Obviously he had been worried about _**Junior**_ as he called his penis, which really amused her. He had nothing to worry about in terms of Junior, though, but, she was not about to tell him that if her silence on that score would result in a healthier diet for Booth.

Booth made a mental note to make damn sure he got in early and checked his e-mails before his administrative assistant did because knowing Bones she would likely have the damn thing e-mailed to him before they went to bed. He hated that his AA checked his e-mails, but it saved time for him given all the e-mails he normally got and the AA was damn good at prioritizing them for him and dealing with the BS ones. He could only imagine the kinds of rumors and innuendo that would be flying around the break rooms at the Hoover if it was found out that he was getting info on _**shrinkage**_. He shuddered at the thought.

"Okay, Bones, let's move this conversation to something a bit more important," he suggested. "Like the house situation?"

"Did you look over the possibilities I sent over?" she asked as she prepared a bowl of fruit for herself and got out the leftover Mac-N-Cheese from the other evening for them both. Booth's appetizer of choice would be chips and dip, she knew.

"They're all great, Bones," he admitted. It was true, she **_had_** picked out very nice homes to choose from. It was the price that was the sticking point. "I'm just a little concerned about the price tags."

"But we have the money to get any of those homes, and many more that are on the market," she pointed out reasonably. She was not liking the potential direction that this conversation could go in, so she wanted him to know from the start that she considered all of her personal wealth to be his, as well.

"I know that, and I am not arguing about the issue of your money versus mine," he nodded. "I'm over that, and actually agree with you. All that stuff before we were together was more my pride speaking than anything else. The problem is, I want to feel like I am actually contributing a reasonable share towards something as important as a home. I want our kids, if we ever have any, and Parker, to know that no one gets a free ride in this world, and giving your fair share is important in everything you do."

Bones chewed on a grape thoughtfully. "I can appreciate that, Booth, and that is an important lesson and principle to live by," she replied thoughtfully. "But we should also be looking to have a home in a good neighborhood, with good neighbors, and a home that will provide a stable, positive environment for Parker and any children we may have. These homes offer that." They had discussed the possibility of having children when they first got together and had decided that while they both liked the idea, they weren't ready yet.

"Then how do we get past this?" Booth asked. "I want to put in a reasonable share of the cost."

Bones lightening fast mind considered and discarded numerous ideas rapidly before settling on one. "What about having a price in mind for a home if we were to carry a mortgage based on equal payments. Once we have the figure, you take out of your paycheck each month your half of what such payments would be and make a donation to a charity of your choice. You do that during the life of a mortgage, if we had one. You feel as if you are contributing, and a worthy cause gets a definite monthly sum from a benefactor," she suggested. "I will pay for the home we choose to buy, which will be my contribution."

"Let me think about it," he told her as he took a massive bite of his Mac-N-Cheese.

"Can we look at the houses I selected in the meantime?" she asked.

"Would it do any good to say no?" he asked, noting her slight pushing on the issue.

"No," she told him, a smile on her lips.

"Alright, set it up for Saturday," he told her, sighing in resignation. He knew that she had offered a good compromise, but he was still a bit uncomfortable.

They spent the rest of dinner discussing their individual days, with Booth complaining about how much he hated being a desk jockey. Bones commiserated with him by pointing out that she missed working with him and going out into the field. When Booth had been promoted she had made it clear that while she would consult on the lab work, she would not go out into the field with anyone other that Booth. Booth's ego had gone into overload for a while when she'd said that to Cullen and the higher ups. Wendell was now the lead Forensic Anthropologist going out into the field with the Agents. Fortunately Booth had been able to persuade Perotta to be the new Liaison to the Jeffersonian, and was very pleased to note that while Bones was jealous as Hell of Perotta for some reason, she felt that Perotta was a very competent Agent as the Liaison.

Bones finished cleaning and putting away the few dishes and then turned to Booth, a wicked gleam in her eyes. "Now, how about we go to the bedroom and I can continue my study of the male genitalia?" she suggested. "I promise to give it my complete and undivided attention."

Booth gulped and felt a stirring down below. Bones had that intense look she always had when she was examining a particularly difficult set of remains, and he noted the quick looks down at Junior while she awaited his response.

"I think that's a great idea!" he said eagerly.

"Good," Bones said as she took out a cloth measuring tape from her purse. "I can spend some time determining if your current diet is detrimental to our having a fulfilling sex life."

Booth laughed as he placed an arm over her shoulder and led her to the bedroom, eagerly looking forward to the evenings activities. "Measure away, Bones, but Junior is just as long and pleasing as he's always been!"

"We'll see," Bones smirked, thinking of the fun she was going to have. She had to get him back for the whole Penis Envy remarks, after all.

_A/N: I hope you all enjoyed this chapter. I had fun writing it, and already have the next few chapters mapped out, but will be adding to _Pregnant?_ first. Gregg._


	4. Chapter 4

_The response has been great, so I decided to post one more chapter before doing some more chapters for _Pregnant?_. Here we see Booth suffering through a session with Sweets. I hope you enjoy it. Gregg._

_Disclaimer: I don't own, or profit from, these characters or franchise. No copyright infringement is intended._

Booth was sitting in Sweets' office twiddling his thumbs waiting for the twelve year old to get his scrawny little butt in there so he could get all this BS over with and back to work. He let his mind wander back to breakfast. Bones was so going to get it when he got home that night!

"_I'll be stopping at the organic food store and picking up some items for your meals," Bones told him as she sat across from him, wrinkling her nose at his large amount of bacon._

"_Excuse me?" Booth's head shot up. "I do not need all that money wasted on organic food!"_

"_The tape measure says otherwise," she replied._

_Booth's jaw fell a few centimeters. "I beg your pardon?" he ground out, the enamel on his teeth grinding off steadily._

"_Junior is one centimeter off in length, and while you were inside of me the girth didn't feel as thick and fulfilling as usual," she told him, keeping her face straight. "I can only assume, therefore, that some minor shrinkage is beginning to occur, so a change in diet is needed so that we can stave off further disappointment."_

"_Junior is _**not**_ shrinking!" Booth shrieked. He knew that allowing Bones to conduct studies on his genitalia would turn out to be a disaster._

"_I'm not saying that you delivered an unsatisfactory performance, Booth," she pointed out. "Just that it wasn't the same as in the past. Perhaps altering some of your eating habits would be a reasonable way in which we could avoid … **further** ... diminishment ..."_

"_NO!" Booth struggled to keep his cool._

"_Then perhaps it was technique," she suggested. "Were you having difficulty performing for some reason?"_

"_There was no difficulty performing!" Booth was now wanting to sink into the floor. This was beyond embarrassing! "Junior was standing tall and proud well before you began your studying!"_

"_It's not all about the penis, Booth," she told him. "Angle of penetration, how hard a man thrusts, maximum friction on my g-spot. All of those and more, which deal with the male side of the equation, could be the cause. But still, the tape measure is somewhat more empirical and objective."_

"_Bones...," he began to argue, but then cut himself off when he saw the start of a grin beginning to come through on her face. "Very funny, Bones!"_

"_I think so," she told him, enjoying how she had him so flustered._

_Booth looked at his watch. "Oh, great," he groaned. "I have to get out of here and meet Sweets! Now I'm going to be all bothered because I'll be thinking about performance issues and shrinkage, which isn't even happening!"_

"_Have fun," Bones teased as she watched him rush out the door with a few pieces of bacon in his hand to munch on._

"Have fun, she says," Booth muttered as he waited for Sweets. "A damn root canal is more fun."

At least he had managed to get to his office and scan his e-mails before his AA did. Sure as shit Bones had e-mailed him the article in question. He saved it onto his personal files and then erased the e-mail. He couldn't believe what Bones had done that morning. He was already worked up about this meeting with Sweets and then she fans the flames by making him think he had problems with Junior and performance! He just knew he was going to have a long day.

"Director Booth," Sweets came into the office smiling. He'd been looking forward to this for the last day.

"Yeah, yeah, sit down and get this shit over with Sweets," Booth glared.

"Now before we begin, I just want to assure you that while gender identification issues are psychologically difficult to resolve, I feel confident that we will be able to keep them from interfering with your professional duties," Sweets let loose with his first zinger. He was fully prepared to drive Booth nuts.

"_**Gender identification issues?**_" Booth yelled at the top of his lungs. "Have you been drug tested lately, Sweets? I am all _**man**_, Nimrod, and don't you ever forget it!"

"Unfortunately, Director Booth, your incident yesterday morning says otherwise," Sweets countered. He was loving this, and the initial reaction from Booth was priceless.

"_**Incident?**_" Booth continued to bellow. He wanted nothing more than to pound Sweets into a bloody, mushy pile of human pulp right then. "There was no incident! Bones put her stuff in my space and I grabbed it by mistake!" He could feel a tightening in his chest and wondered if he was beginning to have a mild heart attack. He couldn't believe that Sweets could be this far out in left field.

"I beg to differ," Sweets prattled on. "Now classic Freudian theory-"

"Freud was a fucking pervert!" Booth shouted, sending a murderous glare at Sweets.

"-posits the idea of Penis Envy," Sweets continued unabated. "I think a little update is necessary in the modern age, and feel that Vagina Envy fits your situation rather well."

"Sweets," Booth said evenly, trying his damnedest not to kill the idiot. "I do not have any such thing as Vagina Envy. I swear that you are going in for some serious and regular drug testing!"

"You did put Vagisil on your toothpaste and try and use it to soothe your mouth, much as a woman would use Vagisil to soothe her vagina, and the mouth on a man is the closest thing structurally to a vagina," Sweets explained. "It stands to reason that in order to identify with your inner femininity you would try something such as this."

"I grabbed the wrong fucking tube in the medicine cabinet!" Booth jumped to his feet, looking like he wanted to destroy everything in sight. "That does not mean I have vagina envy or that I am trying to identify with any inner hooey in my head! This session is over and you'll be getting orders for immediate drug testing the second I get to my office!"

Booth turned on his heel and practically ran from the office, slamming the door hard when he did so.

Sweets stood up and went to his desk. When he was sure Booth was nowhere in sight he did a large fist pump and shouted "_**YES!**_". He had finally gotten one over on Booth. A little drug testing to prove he wasn't high was well worth it for this small victory. He sat down and sent Dr. Brennan a quick e-mail.

_Dr. Brennan~ Mission Accomplished. Sweets._

Yep. Today was a good day for Sweets.

_A/N: I know it wasn't terribly long, but I wanted this chapter as is. The story will move ahead to house hunting and other debatable and banter worthy issues in the next chapters. I hope you all enjoyed this one. Gregg._


	5. Chapter 5

_Thank you for all the great comments in the last chapter. Booth is now going to be able to show that he is not just laying there and taking it. We also find out what happened to Sweets in the aftermath of his get even session. I hope you enjoy it. Gregg._

_Disclaimer: I don't own, or profit from, these characters or franchise. No copyright infringement is intended._

Booth was in a fairly good mood that Saturday when he and Bones drove from home to home on the list to meet with the realtors and take a look at the possibilities. Despite the nightmare from earlier in the week, he had gotten through it, and Bones had been most attentive to his needs in the aftermath of the horror. He'd shown her in very definite form just how nuts Sweets was even suggesting he had gender identity issues or vagina envy! And Bone shad been most appreciative, too. No further discussions about Junior and shrinkage would be showing their ugly head any time soon!

He was going into this house hunting bit with an honest, and open, mind. The first six homes, each one successively larger and with added features, were superb, he had to admit, but there was always something holding him back. It wasn't the price. No, he'd accepted the compromise and he was going to be donating money to the Army Dependents Fund each month. The seventh place was large, with only a single story. The property was quite large with a good sized swimming pool, a basketball court, and a tennis court. There was enough room in the back lawn for some good football to be played. A large, high, manicured hedge surrounded the property.

"There appears to be a number of good sources of athletic competitions that could be held here for your enjoyment," Bones commented.

"Yeah," Booth mused as he took it all in. "And, of course, the pool will be a plus for Parker. At least then he won't be asking me about my sex life."

Bones chuckled. "You mean you don't like Parker knowing you are getting sexed up?" she teased.

"I think I could safely say I would prefer Parker not knowing anything about the subject of, uh, _**that**_, until he's at least thirty or forty," Booth said firmly.

"Dr. Brennan, Mr. Booth?" the real estate agent said coming up to them. "If you're ready, we can go inside and take a look."

_**That Evening**_

"I think the seventh home is the best one," Bones said as she sat down on the couch next to Booth, sipping her tea.

"Yeah," Booth agreed. He was having a beer and watching the game. Once the game became a rout a couple of minutes later he turned off the television and leaned back, loving it when Bones leaned in against him and laid her head for a moment on his shoulder. It was her own way, without saying the words that were still difficult for her, of telling him _**I love you**_.

Bones pulled a brochure out of her side bag that was sitting on the couch next to her. She showed it to Booth. "I was thinking something like this would be good in the basement recreation room for you," she told him, opening the brochure and holding it in front of his widening eyes.

Booth about had a stroke and nearly lost control of his bodily functions. The awesomeness of the whole thing was just that powerful. "A 152-inch plasma screen TV?" he managed to squeak. It was every sports nuts dream machine and it was only now coming out on the market. Granted what he'd heard was that it had an unbelievable price tag, somewhere in the something hundred thousands dollar range, but still. My God the thing was beautiful!

"I was thinking you deserved a better man cave than Hodgins," she told him, a sly smile on her face.

Ooh! Bragging rights! Now that appealed to him even more. He imagined the look on Hodgins' face when he saw that baby in all its awesome glory! Angela had put Hodgins on a short leash when it came to any new electronics toys, so the guy was just a whipped puppy anymore. Booth loved it!

"So we're really going to do this?" Booth asked, knowing it was a redundant question. They had both been impressed with the seventh home, and he knew that both of them had imagined all that could be done with it. "Are we really ready to buy a house together?"

"I think we are," she told him. "We love each other, and we deserve to have a place to live that is ours, not just living in the apartment of the other because it was the larger of the two."

Booth was almost pinching himself over the fact that she had used the L-word. She'd said it a few times, and each one was special in its own way, but this had more of a shared intimacy about it rather than a declaration of sorts. Then he thought of something and chuckled.

"What?" she asked.

"How about while we're at it we get one of those fancy driving mowers for the massive yard?" he asked.

"Why would we get that when we can just hire professional gardeners?" she questioned.

He waggled his brows. "You mean you don't want to see me on that powerful machine without a shirt on, only a pair of shorts, and sweat glistening on my perfectly symmetrical, highly evolved body?' he asked, giving her a knowing wink.

"I'll begin the paperwork on the house and look at appropriate riding mowers," she told him instantly, her mind, and libido, imagining the delicious image he had just described. She had a feeling that lawn days were going to be her new favorite day of the week. Then she remembered something. "Oh, by the way. Why is Sweets walking funny, and avoiding any mention of you at all?" she asked.

Booth smiled widely. "I think three strip searches and three body cavity searches in one week will do that to a person, especially when the latter is done by some sadist who loves his job way too much," he revealed.

"You didn't," she said, a darkly shocked look on her face. She knew Booth had been rather upset over what Sweets had done, but this?

"What? The drug trafficking division got a couple of anonymous tips that Sweets was in possession and possibly trafficking," Booth shrugged. "What they do to suspects is up to them."

"That is cruel, Booth," she remonstrated lightly, though inwardly she was a bit amused.

"After what he did to me?" Booth asked. "_**Gender Identification Issues**_? **_Vagina Envy_**? _**Inner Female**_? Total bullshit, and he knows it. Remember Baby, you mess with the bull, you get both horns. I was just reminding Sweets of that little fact."

"Don't call me Baby unless we are engaging in intercourse," Bones said instantly.

"Blame Sweets, Bones," he told her. "Damn! He gets me ticked even when he's not around! And Bones. What did we agree on with the technical terms? I mean it just kills any mood that may be there."

"Excuse me," Bones replied, a hint of humorous sarcasm in her voice. She was getting better at sarcasm. "How about _**Boning**_? **_Balling_**? _**Boinking**_? **_Screwing_**? _**Shagging**_? **_Ole One Eye Visits the Optometrist_**?"

Booth laughed at that last one. "Have you been watching Grumpy Old Men?" he asked, surprised that he knew that out take line from one of his favorite movies. He didn't dare comment on boinking. He didn't want to know. It was probably Sully, that pansy, who taught her that one.

"No," she told him honestly.

"Then where'd you get that last one?" he asked.

"Angela told me when we were shopping for lingerie last week," she told him honestly. "So do you feel like a little optical exam?"

"Do I need one?" he teased.

"Well I am a doctor, and happen to have a nice office where I can fit you in nicely," she told him, a wicked grin on her face as she moved her hand, which she'd placed on his knee, up his thigh, cupping him.

"Well, since I am getting the most awesome Man Cave in existence, and a riding mower to boot, I guess I had better get my _**eyes**_ examined," he agreed with relish. No matter what may happen between them at times, any chance to have a little _**adult**_ fun with Bones was not to be wasted. Especially not when she was willing, and seemingly determined to spend a fortune on him simply because she wanted to make him happy. Not because she felt a debt, or she was somehow having to please him, but simply because she liked making him happy, even if he did think she spent too much on him. But she had compromised very reasonably on the whole house issue, so who was he to turn down a very nice addition to said house?

"Yes, I think you should," she said as she stood and took his hand tugging him up. "And I think this is one Doctor's visit you will definitely enjoy."

"Oh, before I forget," Booth got out his iPhone that Bones had gotten him when she had accidentally knocked off the counter and broken his previous cell phone when he misplaced it. He tapped a message out and sent it out. "There! One more visit from the boys from vice for Sweets!"

"You're incorrigible," Bones said as she tugged him into the bedroom and shut the door behind them.

_A/N: This one marks the point where I will be changing the rating on the next chapter. I wanted something that shows a more serious side, and one that engages them on a more emotional, yet still fun, level. I hope this short chapter accomplishes that. Gregg._


	6. Chapter 6

_I decided to do one more chapter before returning to Pregnant? In this one I bring in one of my favorite characters for a short scene. I hope you enjoy it. Gregg._

_Disclaimer: I don't own, or profit from, these characters of franchise. No copyright infringement is intended._

Booth staggered to the door of their apartment, a little ticked that someone was banging on the door at 7:00 in the morning on a Sunday. It was sleep in day with Bones, followed by a morning romp between the sheets to add to the previous nights activities. The plan did not include someone barging in at 7 in the AM! He whipped open the door and then felt his jaw hit the floor upon seeing an angry Caroline Julian standing in front of him.

"Caroline?" he asked, trying to clear the cobwebs in the sleep deprived mind.

"I have a bone to pick with you Seeley Booth," Caroline said in her most fearsome tone. She pushed on past him and made her way to the middle of the living room, standing there glaring at Booth.

"Problem?" Booth asked as he stumbled over to where she was.

"Do you mind telling me why I was woken up at three o'clock this morning by a hysterical Dr. Lance Sweets who was screaming that he was being **_violated_** by agents of the FBI?" she asked. "And also that he was being held on suspicion of drug possession and possible trafficking charges?"

"Anonymous tip?" Booth shrugged, trying to figure out how to wiggle his way out of this one. Maybe the last tip was taking it a bit too far.

"Try again, Mr. Naked Man," Caroline said as she eyed him from head to toe, noting with a pleased eye that the man was in only his boxer shorts and rainbow socks. She may be getting up there in years, but she still appreciated the look of a fine specimen of man like Seeley Booth.

Booth's eyes bugged out and then he looked down at himself, turning beet red. "Excuse me!" he stammered as he rushed back into the bedroom. He whipped out his robe and put it on. The idea of Caroline eying him up like a prize bull was a bit unnerving.

"Booth?" came the mumble from under the covers where Bones was still ensconced.

"I'm right here, Bones, and I'll be right back. Caroline's here and she needs to see me about something," he told her.

"Okay," came the muffled reply, followed by a soft, steady breathing pattern telling him she had fallen asleep again.

Taking a deep breath, Booth made his way back into the living room. He saw Caroline there, still standing in the middle of the room and glaring at him. Great.

"Coffee?" he asked as he went into the kitchen and turned on the coffee maker.

"I could use a cup while you explain why Sweets is being targeted by the drug boys," she told him. She took a seat and kept on glaring at her favorite agent, now ADD.

"Okay, cream and sugar just like you like it," Booth gave her a version of the charm smile he gave Bones all the time.

"Uh, uh, Cher," Caroline shook her head even as she took a deep drink of the sinful elixir that Booth had prepared to perfection. "I don't let people off with a dimpled smile like that when I get woken up at three in the morning and have to have a serious conversation in my nightie and unmentionables. Now fess up."

"Thanks Caroline for giving me an image I did not need," Booth grumbled.

"I can still turn a few heads," Caroline snapped back.

Booth didn't dare mention that if anyone's head was turned by Caroline in that way he would order them to have their head examined. He loved Caroline to death, and thought she was aces, but a raving beauty? No. She had the inner beauty stuff instead. Again, he was not going to say that and have his balls on the chopping block. Literally.

"Now about Sweets," Caroline continued, taking another deep sip of the java.

Booth explained what had happened and what Sweets had done to him in that session earlier in the week, and what had precipitated the session. Needless to say he wasn't thrilled when Caroline laughed her ass off over it.

"A top military sniper can't tell he's picking up a tube of Vagisil?" she said in between laughs. "Maybe we should have your eyes examined."

Booth did his best not to turn beet red as he recalled the previous nights trip to the **_optometrist_**. "Bones already took care of that," he said simply.

Caroline was no fool and could read a person as good as anyone. She took in Booth's appearance, and what he had been looking like when he first opened the door (which she would file away in her mind for those lonely nights like any sane woman would!) and she knew right away. "Along the lines of _Grumpy Old Men_?" she questioned, her delivery perfectly deadpan, her Louisiana accent a bit heavier than usual.

Booth groaned. "What is it with everyone's fascination with my sex life?" he asked, trying to keep it rhetorical.

"Because you, Cher, are a Grade A Prime Male Specimen," Caroline said, not hiding the view of most women when it came to one Seeley Booth.

"You're beginning to sound like Angela," Booth said as he placed his embarrassed face in his hands.

"The woman knows what looks hot," Caroline shrugged her shoulders. "And obviously the Bone Lady does, too. But enough of that. You need to get this thing straightened out with Sweets. If my beauty sleep is interrupted again over such nonsense I will make sure that Vice gives you a little visit and they **_won't_** be as gentle. Are we clear on that, Cher?"

"Perfectly clear," he said, knowing that she meant it.

"Evidently Sweets was a bit engaged in some extra-curricular activities with that hyper girlfriend of his and the boys in the drug section broke down the door and nearly gave the boy a heart attack," Caroline stood up.

"Another image I did not need," Booth shuddered as he tried to banish the image of Sweets and Daisy bumping uglies from his mind.

"Fix this, or Sweets throwing out idiotic theories will be the least of your worries," Caroline told him as she left the apartment.

Booth sighed as he walked back to the bedroom where Bones, by some miracle, was still asleep. Seeing her, though, made him forget all the BS with Sweets, and started thinking that perhaps another trip to the, ahem, **_Optometrist_** might be in order. Removing his robe, and shucking off the boxers and socks, he slid under the covers, and pulled Bones close, letting his hands wander over her naked body.

"I've got a headache," Bones muttered, enjoying what his hands were doing, but too tired to really reciprocate. She usually didn't go in for cliche's, but this one fit the occasion since she really was tired.

Booth's brows about hit his hairline. A _**headache**_? Bones? The human female sex machine who never gets enough _**Boothy Loving**_? Damn Sweets! He was ruining his fun even now! It just **_had_** to be the little pissant's fault!

"But I'm dying here, Bones," he pleaded.

Bones chuckled tiredly. "Your visit to the Optometrist last night wasn't enough? All **_four_** visits?" she questioned.

"After waiting so long to be with you, I can honestly say Junior and the Boys will never be able to get enough," Booth said with a husky tone that told of his arousal.

Bones could feel his erection pressing into her thigh, and she felt her own arousal grow, but she was honestly too tired to do anything about it right then. She was finding that just laying in bed with Booth in the mornings for a while as she woke up in order to properly greet the new day was invigorating in itself.

"While I appreciate, and reciprocate, the compliment, I am decidedly tired this morning," she informed him. She let out a deep yawn to make her point. "What did Caroline want?"

"Sweets called her and was screaming some nonsense about the FBI violating him," Booth said casually, not really caring about Sweets' predicament at the moment. A few body cavity searches was nothing for such a great guy like Sweets.

"Go and deal with the situation with Sweets," Bones ordered him.

"But _Bones_," Booth tried to protest. "It's too early!"

"I imagine that Sweets has not slept all night, and was in much worse surroundings than you were," she told him. "Now go, and when you get back we can begin a new round of optical examinations. I think perhaps I may have missed some key issues last night."

Booth gulped as his mind thought of what she was offering. "I'll be back soon," he promised, and jumped out of bed fumbling for his clothes.

Bones smiled when she heard the front door close a few minutes later, telling her that Booth was gone to deal with Sweets. She estimated that she had about three hours until he returned, so she set her alarm for one hour and went back to sleep. After that she figured on taking a long soak in her whirlpool tub, and then she would enjoy a light breakfast and some coffee. It was going to be an excellent morning.

_A/N: I decided to have this chapter be the finish on the Sweets side of the story, though I will be bringing him in on occasion. The next chapter will be the first one with some smut and the rating will change. I hope you enjoyed this one. Gregg._


End file.
